


Mended

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Post-The Edge of Darkness [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, M/M, Redeemed Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 17:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12085467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe and Ben try to repair their bond.





	Mended

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They're still in the process of patching their relationship. It's something that's not easy to do, Poe knows that much -- just having to get used to cuddling again, making love, just doing normal things that married men, that husbands, do.

Is there really such a thing as normalcy after things like this, Poe has to wonder. Is there really any such thing as normalcy after everything that's happened? They're still trying to rebuild the Republic -- Holdo's been pouring all her energy into it, bless her. So has Poe. And so has everyone else. But on the home front is a different story.

Ben hated it. That Poe knows. And yet he still can't help but feel a sort of unease when Ben reads his thoughts. When Ben picks up on them, at least. He hates it, and he doesn't forgive Ben for what happened. He can still love him, but forgiving him? Not likely. Not in the slightest.

It's of those times when they've gotten in some sort of argument, over something as trivial as the matter of groceries, and Ben says, out of the blue, "This isn't just about the groceries, is it?"

Poe freezes. For a moment, it's like he's falling, because Ben's in his head dear stars he's in his head again, and there's no way out of there --

"Get away from me," Poe says.

"Poe, I -- "

"Get away from me."

Poe runs. He runs as fast as he possibly can until he reaches the forest on Yavin IV, and he sits down on a rock. He forces himself to take a deep breath. It's okay. You're okay. You're not on the Finalizer anymore. But that's hardly a comfort, in the end. He's with Ben, the same man who tortured him. Who invaded his mind, used their link against Poe to hurt him...

And Poe's still staying with him for some reason. Still loves him. Remembers how gentle and tender he was prior to the incident. Remembers his smiles, remembers his loving glances and words and touches. Losing Ben once was agony and now that he has him back...

But I can't forgive him.

And it's amazing how just one sentence can send Poe falling back into this mess, undo the progress that they're making in this relationship.

He's steadier now. The feeling of falling has gone away, and it's replaced by a certain calm, a certain ease. He can go back and confront Ben. He can tell him the truth.

***

When Poe talks about how Ben all but destroyed him in that one moment he went into his mind, he notices the way Ben's eyes widen and those large hands shake as Poe continues talking. Finally, Poe's done, and he's shaking himself.

"Poe." Ben's voice is soft, tentative.

When he speaks, his eyes are steady. "There's nothing I can say," he says, "That will make it all right again. At the time, they had me do it because...because they wanted an answer out of you. I didn't want this. I thought Tekka would give me the map, or that you would. Interrogations always were unpleasant, but this was one of the worst things I did." He takes a deep breath. "I wanted to be as strong as my grandfather was. I suppose that moment, the moment I invaded your mind...that was my Mustafar. My grandfather choked my grandmother, I tortured you. There's no way this can be forgiven."

"It can't." A pause. "But I also can't lose you. Not again. You're too...complicated just to hate."

"I wanted to make sure that you didn't know pain." Ben sounds bitter even as he says, "I didn't do a good job of it, did I?"

"That's a tall order anyway." Poe reaches over to squeeze Ben's hand.

"But I shouldn't have hurt you anyway. I promised to take care of you and I didn't. I love you, and I still..."

Ben breaks off. He still sounds like he's trying to take it all in.

“I still hurt you.”

There’s a long silence before Poe speaks again.

“Maybe next time...don’t do that. Mentioning those things.”

“I won’t,” Ben says. “Really.”

***  
Ben is good as his word in terms of making sure it doesn’t happen again, but at the same time, Poe can feel the loneliness too keenly. The detachment. He misses how easy things used to be, at least before what happened. It's amazing, in a horrible way, how one moment can shatter everything so easily. Trust, ease, things like that. Even the way that they're repairing their relationship feels like they're walking on vibroblades. 

It's one night after Ben's put Shara to bed that Poe brings up the idea of reforging their bond. Ben actually looks like Poe's just stabbed him. 

"Poe...are you sure?"

"I am." Poe sighs. "I don't want us to be hesitating around each other anymore. Really. Please..."

Ben takes a deep breath. "I don't want to hurt you again."

"Just trust me."

Ben takes his face in his hands. Poe's forgotten how much he missed that touch. Then, "Close your eyes, Poe."

Poe does, and he can feel Ben around him, surrounding him. Ben's mind is chaos, but it's the sort of chaos that Poe has always found soothing in its way. And all through it, Poe can feel Ben's sincerity, his love for him, flowing through the bond. 

It's just a step towards being what they used to. But dear stars, is it a step.


End file.
